My state

I have just moved into my college dorm and have settled down (this post is kind of EMOtional, so don’t bother if you don’t care). As you can seem, this is another restart.

Yesterday Satoshi Kon died, and today I found out that a good friend’s dog died in one of the most horrifying situations possible. If you wonder why I care so much about the death of a dog, it’s cause that dog managed to inflict more hilarity into me than I can ever provide with my sarcasm.

With episodes of sadness and fear that I always fear, the feelings that came with these deaths seemed almost too in-line (as in, I felt that something bad would have to happen soon enough) . I have learned to accept that when things are chaotic, one can find peace with nothing more than silence.

I am a person who has little responsibility but wishes to do so much. I find peace in making stories, but can never write them down. I have great admiration for others, but it ends up coming off as mildly-aggressive jealous-ness. I love looking at beautiful pictures, but I slack off on improving my drawing. I My translation project was poorly planned by myself and leaves me wondering how it will continue. And so forth.

But I am never truly downtrodden. There is a always the small flicker of hope within me, and with that I keep on trying. The quote “dying’s easy living’s hard” is a incredibly true statement, I have never once pondered suicide seriously. But I do understand why it is such an option for depressed people, it is simply escape to them all.

Everytime I get embarrassed or discouraged, I think of that as a “death.” But in that same instance I’m born again slightly stronger and ready for more beatings.

I am not dead, I am strong, I can win with the slightest amount of courage. College will be a journey that beats me as always, I can win with the idea that I can relax for an hour. There’s no telling if I can stop the bad habits that depress me, but I can sure as hell try.


2 Responses to My state

  1. poop says:

    this is beautiful. Life isn’t easy for anyone, and believe it or not, pretty much everyone feels the same way at some point. Hang in there kid!

  2. InvaderGauze says:

    “…this is another restart”
    You’d be surprised at how many people feel the same way. It’s robotic and cold and completely necessary for the human mind to shut off, and start on again as though refreshed. When I feel this way, I recede into the little corner of my heart that Cowboy Bebop exists. The constant play-acting eventually moves aside and the feeling of comfort among all the “chaos” washes it away. /drama.

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